oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
