my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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