my mouth tastes like poor choices
grandma shit on top of the toilet
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
