dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
