I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
