he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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