i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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