I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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