He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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