I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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