Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
