if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
