woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
