i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
