More tranny stories later!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
