Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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