I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
