I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
