Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
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This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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