my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
