you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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