Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
