office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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