plz talk dirty to me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
