i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
