all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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