I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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