remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need water and some morals
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
