I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
