last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
