Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
