do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
