I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
