I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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