on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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