how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
