I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
