im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
