im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He better not be in your backpack
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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