Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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