I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
