so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
