Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
