it was like his penis was on wheels.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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