you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize