Moan for me like Helen Keller
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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