Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
