before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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