My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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