Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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