Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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