Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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