My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
try to milk me bitch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
