She is in my trunk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
