Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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