you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
