oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
