i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't put those talents on a resume
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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