I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
