ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
