help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
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some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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