well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
