When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
