If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
