Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
