i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You need a sexual gate keeper
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
