Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
