I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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