so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
