I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
