Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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