Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
