i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
