i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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