You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
