just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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