Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
