If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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