After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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